Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
