I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
