Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
