worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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