There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Girls should come with a carfax report
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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