it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Congratulations! We have a period
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