i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
