I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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