This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
