it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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