Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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