Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
