can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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