Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
