Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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