DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
