it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
