What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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