Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
