Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
