so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you traded sex for a burrito?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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