How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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