I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
