Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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