Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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