I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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