I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
