I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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