You don't have asthma, your pregnant
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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