I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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