I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
