i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
