One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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