i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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