The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
