Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
