We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
