So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
