R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
