He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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