Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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