My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
