okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
