yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
