K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
