Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This house was built for laser tag.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
