I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
