when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
