Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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