She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
