Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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